Whether you’re a Nando’s newbie or a casual visitor looking to level up your game, this guide has got you covered.
You might be under the impression that Nando’s is simply another restaurant, simply another place where you take your seat and order whatever catches your fancy at the time. You might still believe that there is no prior plan or preparation needed when attending this fine establishment, after all you don’t even need to reserve a table! Don’t allow this laid back façade fool you, in order to level up your nandos game you need to go in with a game plan and be aware of the myriad of taboos which could have you looking like a novice to your fellow diners. Luckily for you, after years of experience, I have written this guide to help you do Nando’s like a pro.
Let’s start at the start. Your first hurdle is being seated, and this is crucial in laying the foundations for the rest of your Nando’s experience. Exactly like the infamous bouncers outside Bergheim in Berlin, the Nando’s staff seemingly also have a secretive and highly selective criteria against which to judge you when determining where you will be seated. This process will result in you being placed in one of three categories. The first is the undesirable, the staff may have sensed your unworthiness and as a result you are seated in some squalid corner of the restaurant on a perpetually unstable table with insufficient space, packed tightly in next to other unfortunate customers also designated the same fate. The second category is far better, you may still have a table which is slightly uncomfortable, but you can rest easy knowing you are held in some regard by the staff. This is, of course, the window table. If you have been placed into this category you have been judged to be good looking enough to attract more customers and also sane enough to not order anything outrageous. Finally, the most coveted category, the VIP. This category of visitor is held in too high regard to be paraded at the window, this category is reserved for those who have the aura of a true Nando’s connoisseur and will accordingly be seated in their very own booth. Ample space, comfortable seating, and no unstable table worries. If you are placed into this category your Nando’s experience is off to an exceedingly promising start. Still though, do not worry yourself prematurely if you have been placed into one of the lesser categories, there is still time for redemption.
So you’ve sat down, time to retrieve your cutlery, napkins, and sauces. The first major mistake can be made here. When selecting sauces it is important to keep in mind where we are and where we are not. We are not, for example, about to tuck into a breakfast barm served from a food truck with a two star hygiene rating, we are also not at a child’s birthday party in some arcade ready to tuck into bland chicken nuggets and chips. We are in Nando’s, a world renowned restaurant serving the very best authentic Mozambican/ Portuguese inspired flavours. This all means that no, you may not pick up the tomato sauce. It is not placed there to pick up, it is there as a test, to make a clear visual distinction between those who are worthy and those who deserve to be shunned.
Now, time to order. Although there can be a degree of personal preference permitted in ordering your food, there is one combination which sets you apart quite clearly and is recognised as the best possible order. This is, of course, four chicken thighs, garlic bread and peri salted chips. For the spice level, it is important to go for at least medium, we are in Nandos, and quite frankly if you’re afraid of a little bit of spice why did you even come here in the first place? The second key part of this order is to get the peri salted chips rather than their plain variety, again, we are in nandos, you have come here to eat a nandos, what’s the point of bog standard chips?
A key feature of this order which makes it far superior to any combination is its versatility and its
good value. With this order you are able to craft your very own burger by using the garlic bread as the bun and one of the four thighs as the filling. In one simple yet effective manoeuvre you now have a meal with three chicken thighs, chips and a burger. It is a move so overpowered it feels illegal.
From this point on it is time to sit back, relax, and enjoy your meal safe in the knowledge you have skilfully avoided any major faux pas. Be aware of the customary check in by staff half way through as they retrieve the cockerel which was inserted into the menu holder when you were seated.